dear diary,
this is a wrong time to be falling in love. so much is going on, it takes too much of my focus. dont know wht im doing sometimes. most of the time. a part of me wants to be faithful, and the other wants to be careless and not give 2 fucks. y do we have to deal w emotions? it fucks ur plans up. fucks w ur mind. wish i was a robot. or a man. its funny tht once ur heart has been broken, once, its enough to make u cry less the next time it happens. or not cry at all. cause ur soul does the crying for you. which could hurt even more. i was ready for this. being alone. i thought i prepared myself well. suffering a lot fr those choked up sadness in my throat since i got here. u know, when u want to just let it out but u cant. cause u want to be stronger than that. i watched mcavoy on Wanted. brilliant! it was worth the expensive bus trip and cinema ticket to watch him so close up on screen. so close i could smell him. breathe the air he's breathing. lick the blood fr his face as gets punched many times over. and does jolie EVER look bad? mcavoy is such an unlikely hero, which is why i love him. or is it just lust? who can tell the difference anymore?
the heartless robot xx
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